Thursday, March 22, 2018

My Money’s On The “Mad Tweeter”

Just about a month before Election Day 2016, Vice President Joe Biden flapped his lips at a rally for Granny in Pennsylvania, “The press always asks me:  Don’t I wish I were debating him?  No, I wish we were in high school─I could take him behind the gym.”
Having caught wind of Uncle Joe’s puffery, then-candidate Trump said at a rally of his own, “He wants to bring me to the back of the barn.”
Sensing Trump wouldn’t back down from a fight, Biden later “clarified” he would only fight if the two were still in high school.
The former Vice President was feeling his oats again this week saying, “If I were in high school, I'd take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.” He also said any man who disrespected women was "usually the fattest, ugliest SOB in the room."
President Trump fired back in an early morning tweet on Thursday, saying the former Vice President is “trying to act like a tough guy."
“Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault. He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. Don’t threaten people Joe!”
“You know who I’d be betting on,” Vice President Pence laughed in a radio interview before downplaying the back and forth between Trump and Biden. “It’s just a little bit of trash talk going on, just gotta make you chuckle in American politics today.”
Of course, the harpies on ABC’s The View were advocating for violence against the President.  

Taking A Mulligan Just Like Everybody Else On My Brackets

Click image to enlarge

The first weekend of this year’s NCAA tournament was pure chaos seeing a 1-seed lose to a 16-seed for the first time in tournament history when UMBC beat No. 1 Virginia.  None of the top four seeds (Virginia, Cincinnati, Tennessee, Arizona) in the South Region advanced to the Sweet 16. In past years, the top three seeds in a region have failed to advance, but never the top four. 
The 11-seed Loyola-Chicago Ramblers and Syracuse Orange are the only double-digit seeds to reach the Sweet 16. Loyola advanced to Atlanta by upsetting Miami and Tennessee while Syracuse got to the dance in Omaha by beating Arizona State and TCU.
Mike DeCourcy, smarty-pants “expert” at Sporting News, is picking Kentucky over K-State, Nevada over Loyola, the Zags over the Noles, Michigan over Texas A&M, ‘Nova over the Mountaineers, Texas Tech over the Boilermakers, Jayhawks over Clemson and Duke over ‘Cuse.
Most of the sports “experts” seem to agree the Final Four will be whittled down to Kentucky, Michigan, Villanova and Duke.
On Friday, ‘Cuse takes on Duke. Syracuse dumped the Big East Conference to join the ACC Conference five years ago.  They got a big payout from the ACC to make the switch.  Ever since then the school has seemed to think they could establish the kind of rivalry they had with Georgetown and UConn.  Don’t make me laugh.
The Orange are not a blueblood basketball team.  Nothing, and I do mean nothing, can supplant the rivalry between Duke and Carolina.
‘Cuse is an 11.5 point underdog for Friday’s game.  They were 68 out of 68 to get into the NCAA Tournament.
Duke has held all eleven of its opponents to just 8 baskets from downtown and will easily brush Syracuse aside in its quest to reach the Final Four.
Everybody hates Duke.  I think Coach K is headed for a sixth national championship.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

We Should Treat All Punditry With Caution

I was tempted to bypass commenting on the departure of Lt. Col. Ralph Peters from Fox News until I read Jack Holmes’ piece at Esquire.
“The Republican Party's base now exists in a closed information system dominated by talk radio and Fox News. Dissent—or attempts to poke holes in the bubble—will not be tolerated. So, it was remarkable when last night's news was dominated by a letter sent by a Fox News contributor, Lt. Col. Ralph Peters, to the network's employees. Peters set out to explain the reasons he was leaving the cable news juggernaut. The ex-analyst did not mince words, calling Fox ‘a mere propaganda machine for a destructive and ethically ruinous administration.’”
It's Peters' timeline that comes up short. He says that ‘Fox has degenerated from providing a legitimate and much-needed outlet for conservative voices to a mere propaganda machine.’ But when did this degeneration take place? When Trump became president? When he got the Republican nomination? When he became the frontrunner? When he got in the race?”
“The stranglehold on the conservative psyche exercised by Fox and talk radio will not easily be broken. They appeal to the darkest corners of the lizard brain, the fears and the vengeful bitterness that keep eyes glued to the screen—and generating dollars.”
“Perhaps it's a start that Peters, by his account, gave up the money on offer in a Fox contract in the name of principle. Money is at the heart of it all, as the right-wing infotainment sphere has become a lucrative career path. The money and the power also convince many Republican leaders it's worth abiding the loons in their base year after year. Trump, the cash-guzzling cartoon tycoon, is merely a grotesque caricature of an existing archetype in the conservative movement. For all our sakes, conservatives will need to accept that this moment is a mudslide, not a lightning strike.”
The Lt. Colonel’s chief complaint centers around his belief the network’s hosts are advancing Putin’s agenda by “making light of Russian penetration of our elections and the Trump campaign.”
He asserted the network had downgraded itself from being an “outlet for conservative voices to a mere propaganda machine for a destructive and ethically ruinous administration.”
On July 6, 2017 President Trump delivered a speech in Krasiński Square in Warsaw, Poland before heading to the G20 Summit in Hamburg, Germany.  It was this speech, in which President Trump said, “We urge Russia to cease its destabilizing activities in Ukraine and elsewhere and its support for hostile regimes─including Syria and Iran─and to instead join the community of responsible nations in our fight against common enemies and in defense of civilization itself,” that Peters proclaimed, “That Warsaw speech was to me, the most timely, the most effective speech given by an American president since Ronald Reagan.”
If President Trump’s address cleared up all doubts and reservations he’d had about the President’s attitude on the Kremlin and Russian President Vladimir Putin, what the hell happened to put a bee in Peters’ bonnet?
Just days before Peters declined to renew his contract with Fox, he penned a piece for the Hoover Institution entitled, “Post-Modern Propaganda: The Gatekeepers Are Gone.”
“No plague in history spread with the speed of internet disinformation. We live in an age of hyper-charged propaganda, an onslaught of lies more pervasive than any that came before. Over millennia, propaganda changed minds. Today, it changes governments and subverts institutions. And this flood has burst the dams that, for centuries, kept the foulest waters in check.
He walks through the progression of propaganda from ancient times to present day and concludes:
“Then the digital revolution arrived to conjure internet anarchy. This Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse, the avatar of the genocidal lie, empowered fanatics and propagandists everywhere: one man or woman with a laptop computer could spread a destabilizing or deadly claim worldwide. Further enabled by Silicon Valley hubris, which discounted editorial checks, the new apparatchiks of Putin’s Russia suddenly could run wild—the bigger the lie, the warmer its reception by the ill-educated, the disaffected or the cravenly ambitious, by political hacks, bigots, fanatics and madmen. Under the false flag of free speech, the internet subverted our democracy, and its corporate masters grew fabulously rich through their self-adoring irresponsibility.”
“Putin’s Russia swiftly leapt from propaganda to outright information warfare. 2016 was our information-age Pearl Harbor. But instead of standing shoulder to shoulder against the threat to our vital institutions, we’ve been reduced to squabbling amongst ourselves, compounding the effects of Russian schemes.”
“We’ve entered a new age of hyper-propaganda, of post-modern warfare. If we fail to unite and take this threat as seriously as the danger from long-range missiles or terrorism, we’re committing suicide by the gigabyte.”
“Now it’s up to the titans of tech to defend the civilization that enriched them by imposing objective editorial standards on their platforms, to develop a new and credible system of guardians of the facts, of gatekeepers against subversive lies.  And the private sector, not the government, has to do it.”
“Or we can let the propagandists win.”
Peters is not entirely wrong about the legacy media churning out propaganda, but when 90 percent of the coverage of President Trump in 2017 by ABC, CBS and NBC was negative, his rage is off the mark.
Fox News replied in a statement saying: “Ralph Peters is entitled to his opinion despite the fact that he's choosing to use it as a weapon in order to gain attention. We are extremely proud of our top-rated primetime hosts and all of our opinion programming.”
Peters told the Washington Post he does not agree with Fox News’ criticism of his email. “It just makes no sense. If I wanted attention, I would have stayed on Fox News and spoke to a few million people a day. I have no intention of seeking other TV news opportunities. I am not a great-looking guy, I have a high-pitched voice and I smack my lips. To what end am I looking for attention?”
Peters said the farewell email that leaked to BuzzFeed “was meant for internal consumption. Fox is entitled to their views.”
Lt. Col. Peters does not deserve our scorn, but our sadness.  I point to his verbal fisticuffs with Tucker Carlson on July 11, 2017.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Al Gore Upping His Game

The Global Education and Skills Forum was suspected today of supplying their Sunday luncheon desserts of THC enhanced brownies at their conference held in Dubai. Many participants engaged in bizarre behavior following their consumption of the marijuana laden confections. 

Citing calls for "services for inequality and oppression to be infused right into education" and "tranquility building," many speakers raved about the "good shit" that happens when you convince other stoners about things you fabricate on the fly.

However, Al Gore stole the show...
Dubai: Bizarre weather such as “flying rivers” and “rain bombs” are just some of the recent effects of climate change, warned former US vice-president Al Gore at the Global Education and Skills Forum (GESF) in Dubai on Sunday. Gore, who is the founder and chairman of The Climate Reality Project, a non-profit establishment “devoted to solving the climate crisis”, told GESF delegates global weather is becoming “extreme” and “disruptive”, mainly because of global warming…
Gore's colorful descriptions of climate catastrophes were well received, particularly his "Mother Of All Snow Flurries" and "clouds filled with frogs" predictions. Unfortunately he was forcibly removed from the podium as the "Frognado" rant was followed by threats of "climate suppositories" and "political equality enemas."

Monday, March 19, 2018

Hillary Sees Her Shadow: Six More Years Of Putin

Russian President Vladimir Putin coasted to reelection on Sunday, according to multiple reports.
A Russian state exit poll gave Putin nearly 74 percent of the vote, well ahead of his closest competitor, according to Reuters. With Sunday’s result, the 65-year-old Putin will earn his fourth term as president. 
Putin observed the two-term limit in 2008, shifting into the prime minister's seat and allowing longtime puppet Dmitry Medvedev to serve as a placeholder for four years. Unhappy with Medvedev's performance, Putin reclaimed the presidency in 2012.

Flowing Curves Of Beauty

A guy gave a really beautiful woman he met his phone number and told her to call or text him when she got home…apparently, she was homeless.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Hillary: “I Meant No Disrespect”

A week ago, while in India Cankles Clinton talked about how “her” voters came from economically advantaged places in comparison to Trump voters and white women often voted the same way as their husbands.
Several Democrats were appalled by her portrayal of red states and female voters. Former Ohio Rep. Nina Turner said Clinton’s digs were “very hurtful. In politics, we should not criticize the voters.”
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) called what Clinton had previously asserted “wrong." "Thirty per cent of the people that voted for Donald Trump had voted for President Obama. Why? The same people who looked for change with President Obama thought there wasn't enough, as far as their personal lives were concerned, and they supported Donald Trump. That is a reality the Democrats acknowledge.”
Other Democrats speaking anonymously said, “She’s annoying everyone. Who let’s her say these things?” A former Obama White House official said, “If these statements are a form of catharsis, it would be in the Democrat Party’s best interest for her to get these out of her system soon. We need leaders like her to look forward to 2020, not re-litigate the past.”
When Granny called Trump supporters a “basket of deplorables” and “irredeemable” Democrats didn’t say a peep about her loathsome pejoratives.  That was because everybody and their brother just knew she was going to be elected POTUS.  Ever since her coronation was canceled Democrats seem to be singing a different tune.
Seems the pile-on may be getting to Granny.  She took to Facebook to issue her “sorry, not sorry” apology. “I understand how some of what I said upset people and can be misinterpreted. I meant no disrespect to any individual or group and I want to look to the future as much as anybody.”
Even after Clinton’s apology was posted on Facebook, Sen. Heidi Heitkamp was interviewed on KFGO-Radio 95 in Fargo and was asked when Granny would “ride off in the sunset.”  Heitkamp answered, “I don’t know.  Not soon enough, I guess.”

A Walk On The Wild Side

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Dear Hillary, My Boyfriend Told Me To Fall In Line And Post This

While in India to attend the 2018 India Today Conclave, Granny Clinton’s lips were flapping a million miles-a-minute about losing to Donald Trump because backwards rubes were hellbent to Make America Great Again. She claimed white women didn’t vote for her because their husbands, bosses, sons, whoever, said they should toe the line.
Last Sunday she took a little trip down a flight of stairs twice because her sandals had been sabotaged by the Russians.  From the video, it was clear she ripped the seat out of her stretchy pants.  She apparently “sprained” her wrist during her Benny Hill pratfalls.
While staying at the Umaid Bhawan Palace in Jodphur she slipped in the bathtub and fractured her wrist.
The Daily Mail noted she “concealed her injured wrist under a navy shawl.”  They also provided a photograph of the offending bathtub.  No explanation was given for why the 70-year-old boozer felt the need to “conceal” her injury.  It’s just another instance of her compulsive propensity for hiding things from the public.
Why in the world won’t Chelsea and Bill get the crocked crone a Hoveround® scooter?  The good me feels sorry for the feeble-brained ninny.  The bad me just wants to Photoshop™ her crooked, feeble ass.  (Earl, my apologies for “stealing” your hilarious idea.)

Mean Tweets: Andrew McCabe Edition


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